There is solace in anger
Coming from a toxic Asian household, I do believe in cutting off family members that do nothing but constantly do you wrong. From the unnecessary pressure and burden that’s placed on your shoulders to the toxic mindset of “but we’re a family!”. I’m here to tell you that solace and peace don’t just come from forgiveness, mindfulness, or even meditation; they can also come from anger.
From the first time I was able to understand what it meant to be loved, I knew from the very start that this — whatever this was—wasn’t it. I knew from the moment that I tried to change everything about me to impress him, this wasn’t it.
To all the times I bit my tongue and sat quietly on the dining table as I was insulted to my core, to all the times I studied hard just to be able to show him A+ grades that he wasn’t proud of anyway, and to all the times I was told to forgive him and let it go. I am angry, I am absolutely resentful that I was the one who was told to understand him, and in there, I found my solace.
Everyone tells you to forgive and forget but nobody tells you to hold on to what you believe in, nobody tells you to prevent yourself to fall under the pain and suffering your own family makes you feel. With this, I’m telling you that it’s absolutely acceptable to be angry, there is no right or wrong when it comes to your emotions, it’s just a matter of how you release them. When the time comes, you can say that you didn’t allow yourself to be a slave to what everybody else wanted you to feel, instead, you stuck with it and handled it properly. There is no greater feeling than the breath of relief after a long rant, there is no greater feeling than validating your own sentiments and not letting anyone else step on them.
It is not your obligation to disregard your emotions for another person’s well-being. Care about how you feel and how you release these feelings; get angry but hold yourself accountable as to how you regulate these emotions.
There is peace in forgiveness, but there is solace in the anger you feel that you have always bottled up. Let yourself be human, anger is merely one of the emotions we all feel as beings—it’s allowed.
